Monday, February 28, 2005

This Week on the Island 04/04/2004

'This week on the Island' is written by Doug Bennett and is an update to friends about happenings in Key West last week. Everything is true except for those parts that are lies.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

04/04/04 Somebody somewhere will think this is some kind of sign!

Sassi, our new rescued Siberian Husky, likes the ocean. Wyleigh does not. Also, Sassi, from time to time, goes behind the shower curtain and walks around in the tub. I don't understand that one.

Speaking of understanding things. I am amazed at the number of tourist that do not know why the ceiling on the front porch is painted blue. (You paint it blue so the insects will think it is the sky and not build their nest up there.) The tourist also ask about the woodwork on the house (gingerbread). The woodwork was an advertisement for the type of work the person did that lived in the house. Our house has pineapples, so I guess the guy that built it worked on the old pineapple farms here in the keys.

Key West is a tourist town. People act differently on vacation than they act at home. We like to call it 'letting our hair down'. This leads to some unusual happenings. - The Hummer sits across the street from the house and we watch tourist all day long having their pictures made with the Hummer. I enjoy hearing one tourist tell another tourist all about Hummers. They are usually wrong. At night tourist like to leave their drinks on the hood of the Hummer or steal things from the Hummer. Tuesday night someone stole my 'ParrotHead' tag from the front bumper. The Hummer has been Keyed on both sides. We have even had to chase tourist off the rack on the top of the Hummer. One night we had to call the cops on a guy in a jeep trying to 'crawl' over the Hummer. He was bumper to bumper, pushing and trying to get his jeep to rise so it could 'crawl' over the Hummer. - The house is decorated with parrots. We purchased two very nice balsam wood parrots to decorate the hurricane shutters on the front window. Someone stole them right off the front porch. Another night we had to call the cops on a guy sitting in the rocking chair on the front porch. He refused to leave. The cops got him off the porch and then he told them that he had not been on our property. The cops arrested him. He was a cop from another city.

The Zulderdam is in the harbor today. It appears to be a lesbian cruise with about 2,500 passengers. We have many women with butch haircuts, holding hands and walking and touring all over the island.

Key West, you have got to love it.
Doug Bennett

You know you're from Key West when:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, nose ring, and is named Breeze.
5. You can't remember... is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You and your co-workers have Cuban bread and Bucci for breakfast.
8. You have never owned a car.
9. You know the difference between real and fake Key Lime Pie.
10. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
11. The Crime report is a source of daily entertainment.
12. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the US
13. A man walks down the street in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.
14. Unlike back home, the lady downtown wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like Madonna IS Madonna.
15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman whodelivers your mail is into S & M and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
17. You know where Jimmy Buffett lives.
18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every newsstation about "HURRICANE WATCH 2004."
19. The local bar owner is also mayor.
20. If it's 60 degrees F, you break out the fur coat and space heaters.
21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
22. Hey!!!! Is pot illegal????
23. Both you AND your cat have therapists.
24. Your power goes off before you finish reading thi.....